I could not see straight.
My life felt like organized chaos, and then any wisp of organized faded. My morning walks had been keeping me going. But it was not enough. I was officially empty.
I knew that I had to stop working, starting now. I knew I had to set all of my work aside despite looming new year deadlines. I had to find a way to remember the joy, the why behind all of this hard work. I was disconnected. I had to let go. I had nothing left.
That is why yesterday I only made two commitments, and they were with two of my favourite people. The dogs had their nails and faces trimmed by my friend Amy who is a groomer, and then I walked the park with Dianne. The freedom of knowing that I had booked a day all to me inspired a huge house tidy-up with a whoosh of unknown energy. That afternoon I popped in to see a friend I hadn’t seen in months, and that evening my family decided to get together to celebrate someone’s good news…. Mmm with chocolate cake.
This morning I committed to moving more slowly. With homemade hot lemonade in hand and lovely relaxing piano music playing, I reached for a book I’ve been wanting to make space to read ~ ironically Cheryl Richardson’s Stand Up for Your Life. The dogs and I snuggled back into bed.
Oh how I’ve missed time with me. This morning I have read, journaled, laughed, danced, and, of course, my reading time sparked a series of new ideas for those looming deadlines that had me worried a few days ago. (I wrote them down. No need to interrupt my week off!)
I even caught myself singing Freedom! Freedom! Can you hear that old song?
Then I laughed when I realized that I had forgotten that I always had been free to think and choose as I like. This joy in my life and in my work was always there, waiting for me to spend some time with me and some hot lemonade.